I’ve been in a funk for the last week or two, for a lot of reasons. I keep trying to push myself out of it; I keep trying to start fresh each day. But every morning I wake up, and I shower, get dressed, and have my coffee, and then have the overwhelming urge to just crawl back into bed. I don’t really know what going on in my brain. I just want to hit the restart button and try it all again.
“You bring yourself along to every new beginning.” That’s what’s killing me. How can I start over, when I’m the same person I’ve always been? Can I be different that who I am? How much of me will never or can never change?
I’m a pessimistic person. I’m working on that. I have “negative self talk”, as I learned in my general psych class a few years back. It’s something I’ve become more conscious of as time goes by. I very much tend to look at things negatively. And when I’m feeling sad, listless, depressed, or lethargic, I just let myself stew and stay in that place. I would rather sleep or disappear in a book than face my problems head on.
But I’m smart enough to know, all the while, that something is broken and needs to be fixed.
Well, as much as it may not seem like it, this post is my attempt at working up to an optimistic outlook on my current situation. Here’s some positive thoughts:
- There is nothing at all wrong with my life!
- I’ve a job, and I’m in nursing school (soon to be an LPN).
- I have an amazing family that loves and supports me.
- I have every earthly comfort I could a sk for, and:
- more than all else, I am a redeemed, adopted child of the almighty God himself. Jesus Christ loved me and gave himself for me.
And that last one cuts through all the crap. All the sadness from temporary things, all the discouragement, all the guilt, and all the cursed self-pity to which I’m so prone. God is good, all the time. I just need to look at life through the lens of eternity.